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Untitled - Poetry - (?)

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Post  AlucardStrife Sun Aug 10, 2008 10:21 pm

Fuck your god

Your god shows no love for my kind

When I die your god will spits on me and kick me down to hell

I have pity for people

Unlike your god

I say fuck your god

And let my people live in peace

(it is an old poem from along time ago)


Last edited by AlucardStrife on Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:55 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : spelling)
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Post  Sheakhan Sun Aug 10, 2008 11:01 pm

A harshly blunt piece.

I'm not sure what you want as far as crit goes, so I'll be short, but I would suggest in the future you try running a spellcheck on your writes as well, the message is more easily conveyed when the words are formed correctly.

Otherwise, thanks for posting.
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Post  neonpotato Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:56 am

A good idea is to writer it out in Word or similar then copy and paste. It's not just you, I've noticed quite a few typos here. I don't mean you should do it every time you post, but when you post a writing it would help.

Also:

fuck your god
your god shows no love for me kind

I'm sorry you feel that way about me, I'll make more of an effort in future!

much love
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Post  Xillie Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:23 pm

Well... I'll start off by saying sorry you feel that way about my God.

But I'm not here to Preach, am I?

The poem its self is ok. Like they said before me, the spelling needs work, but you get your ideas across.
Very Blunt... and in this type of poem could be a bad thing... Maybe expand on why your saying this...?
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Post  dismal_s child Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:45 pm

Buh-lun-ttttt.

You need to spell check and edit.
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