D. - a love hate poem. D is the mans initals i still love-

I cant believe I am back at this spot
In my life
Where I want it all to end
Where all I want it peacefulness
I refuse to believe it is me
Is that selfish?
I want normalcy and all I can blame is you?
I don’t know
I want what it was
Where I didn’t have to question was it me
Am I not pretty enough or did I do something wrong
You make me question these things in me
And you don’t even know it
You go thru life
Did you know when you tell me you’ll be there
My heart skips a beat
And when you don’t come I cry like a baby
Maybe a baby is what im being
But you made me like this
You spoiled me
Only to pull away just as quickly as we started.
I questioned this and I should of stayed on my point
We were friends to start
And now I love you so much my heart aches
You’ve never done me wrong
And I still don’t believe you have
Except maybe treated me as a yoyo
I refuse to blame myself
For being to emotional
For being me
This is who I am
I am spoiled and I am needy
I refuse to believe I love you
Because love is not what you want
But why should I hold back because it isn’t what you want
We are both adults
These feelings I feel arent fake
They arent short lived
And no I wont forget about you in time
Don’t pass me off as another broad on your list
I was your friend to start off
And I hope you remember that

I like this, it's angsty, and normally that's a turn off, however you show a writing skill here that isn't present in most angsty writes.

I have no true qualms with this, it is an expressive piece, and doesn't feel like it should be subject to meter, form, or those restraints, it just needs to be.

I will say you used the wrong form of "to" in here, should have been "too", easy enough to fix.

I liked hearing "broad" in here, just a good word, made me smile, despite the feel of the piece.

Well, I guess I don't have much else to say, good work, keep writing.

~KRG

I have a really good friend who feels this way too. Her BF is a jerk, and he has her tied all over him. Therefore, I totally get what you are trying to say.

Emotional_wreck wrote:Where all I want it peacefulness

I would change this to "Where all I want is peace"

`

Emotional_wreck wrote:These feelings I feel arent fake

The repetition of 'feel' threw me off. Perhaps you can reconsider that.

I see you've put a lot of thought and emotion into this. It's pretty strong and well-written on the whole.

Thanks for sharing


Abbas