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Flat Note - Poetry - Reader's Choice

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Flat Note - Poetry - Reader's Choice Empty Flat Note - Poetry - Reader's Choice

Post  Sheakhan Sat Mar 07, 2009 4:17 pm

I rode across the memory
of sunswept valley's history
and tantamount to my recourse
was self-actualization.

Rambling does some good for those
who've lost the subtle ebbs and flows
of understanding, and compose
nothing of note or merit.

In depressive states of misery
or leastwise deep considering
of what is lost and what remains
that changes all the notes.

They analyze the music
and get back to themselves.
Sheakhan
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Flat Note - Poetry - Reader's Choice Empty Re: Flat Note - Poetry - Reader's Choice

Post  raining_roses Thu Mar 12, 2009 4:34 pm

Well keegan my love, who i hearts to pieces, your first stanza isn't the type that grabs my attention instantly, it reminds me of a reminiscent type feel, but not enough to get me to think or make me wish to pay attention. You use basic English, which i love your simplistic type style

The ending again isn't my favorite, but i love how consistent you stay with your rhyming, what made you think of this?

It kind of reminds me of an "off" type nursery Rhyme so im curious about the theme. Its well written in most areas and I dont really know which places to point out for you to think of revising it. but in all this was nicely done.

~Nikki
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