What I want- poetry-0

kittygonecrazy Mon Sep 01, 2008 11:27 am

No one knows what I want
So maybe I should tell them
I want you
I want to see what you can do
I want you to be able to kiss more then just my lips
I want to be able to touch my body
Whenever, wherever, and however you want to
I also want your body to move at the same time as mine
Creating those wonderful ocean waves
I want you’re ears to hear me breath heavy
I want us to able to move with the same current
I actually want this bed to shake
For the room to be hot
I’d love for the pace to be quickened
I want you’re hands to clasp into mine
And I want this to last all night long
So you think I want a lot
But it really only comes down to one thing
Me and you
Together, being inseparable
Making a whole lot of Love

Can never really remember the stuff with the numbers but 0 is like dont care right keegan? I want to make sure.

abuzzbuzz92 Wed Sep 03, 2008 7:00 am

I enjoyed reading this , but I felt a couple of things could be
improved. The constant repetition of "I want" was good for emphasis at
first, but I felt it was uncessary. It gave it a more lyrics-y feel to
it ,in my opinion.

Otherwise, thought it was pretty good. From the heart, it seemed. One more thing, you've used