Hum (Let's Not Shit Ourselves) - Prose - 3

Theres a feeling I get, and I often wonder if
many people can relate to it. The sense of
coming into reality that one experiences after
some traumatic, or numbing event. Like when
coming to after having passed out, world
swimming into focus, voices and
ambiance heard as though entirely foreign,
mind struggling to grasp and rope them into
some sort of order. It occurs to me, on occasion,
though only now am I able to place it, that our
entire life is polluted with the buzzing, anesthetic
feeling of us coming back to consciousness.
Trying to place that which we
feel should be so familiar. Displaced noises,
voices, thoughts and concepts that we
desperately feel the need to catalog and
identify...

It's funny that we so easily lose track of those
things that are are so very prevalent to our
daily toil. Pains, thoughts, feelings that
perpetually whine in the background like some
forgotten television, sitting unattended
elsewhere in the home that we call existence. Is
the goal to silence that t.v. set and numb the
distracting whir of electrons? Or are we meant
to find peace with it, understand it, and take it
as what it very well should be? The comforting
drone of background noise that, despite being
taken for granted, identifies us on some level. I
often find it easier to sleep at night with some
senseless distraction in the background, coaxing
my mind into the witless subconscious state that
signifies perfect ease.

When else, but in our deepest sleep, do we
truly exhibit all that is true of ourselves, and
leave the facades, barricades, and nuances
behind?

I have known great minds who felt fear of
deprecating their appearance, and weak minds
that, as if fearless, left themselves open to the
slings and arrows of judgment for the simple
freedom of being themselves. How difficult is
it to be both great and free? To be something
worthwhile without shying away from the
sense of clarity and realization that simply
coming to and merging with reality gives a
person?

I fear the path of autonomy and surface
gratification that so many others easily stumble
down. What wrongness can be found in merely
desiring accomplishment for the wholly
reasonable end of satisfaction?
It's a crucible, the way to accomplishment...
Knowing full well that the views of others
may not be congruent with that which you
desire. So it comes down to the choice of ones
self or others. A person can still serve
themselves -and- serve others; Doctors being
one of many examples of individuals who do
just that and find satisfaction in their choices.
So the difficulty for me, is seeing clear the
way to self satisfaction, when so many others
might see indecision in each misstep, or
ignorance in pining for anything that will
fulfill that ever present need to just... be happy
with what I accomplish in life.

"I do not read the reviews, no I am not singing
for you" -Conor Oberst

thanks a lot :X
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