Nick Hawthorne presents... - Prose - (Number?)

((... his writing. I'm smorg on webook.com, and here are a few little slices of my thoughts. )

This is for us.

it’s by no means a plea for reassurance, a sigh of contentment, a whisper of self-indulgence. These are selfish instances, mere echoes of what we deeply feel. This isn’t for you, because if it was, what would that make me? A giving person. And I’m not giving. I don’t give. I feel.

This is for us, those of us who walk in a daze, realizing the extent of what we feel for another. This is not about love, but about infatuation, about wondering what a person would look like cuddled at your side, hugging your ribs while a movie is on in the background. About how a person would sound in an intimate conversation.

This is not about lust, either. This is about a minor thing, about something that isn’t love and isn’t lust, but in the middle ground where sure, you’d go far with them, but only if they wanted it. This is us realizing that the other’s perks, the other’s funny little glances and the way they say things club us over the head with how much we care, and want them for ourselves.

This is for us.

That sting of jealousy when we hear them kiss, that chink in the armor when they make a friend notion towards us, and all the rest of the bullets we take to our pride. Because we won’t break them up. We’re too kind for that. Instead, we tell ourselves that we are content by watching from the sidelines, even though we lie to ourselves.

This isn’t for you, this is for me. This is for us. Those of us who know, in their heart, that they want to try it out with you. But, in the end, we don’t, do we? We just sit there. And it doesn’t shatter us, it doesn’t inflict heavy wounds on our spirit, and it doesn’t depress us. Because there will always be another you, another us. And maybe, maybe, one day in the future the roles will be reversed. We will become you, you will become us. And then, you’ll be writing this. You’ll be insisting that this isn’t for us.

I guess, in a way, that this is for you. But I won’t admit that to myself. We won’t admit that to ourselves, because in our head, we’re imagining a world where we can remain unattached and platonic. We want to run, but we don’t. Our biggest fear: That you would learn our feelings and separate. At the same time, we want you to know, we want you to acknowledge us and you.

This is for us.

I liked it,
You really went into a dizzing spiral of detail.

The common thread behind it was relatable.
and the technicality was to my untrained eye flawless.


Good Job.

Lots of nails hit either dead center or from a close enough angle that the difference in accuracy doesn't really matter. I have quiet closeminded conversations with myself on a daily basis, steming from passion, sensual desires. I know the exact middle ground, and urge to see them cuddled beside you that you speak of... and that desire scares the shit out of me. Its like something that if I uncage could bring satisfaction and dissatisfaction simultaneously... its such a confusing predicament. At the same time I find and fall in love with people who share different moral values, and wont help me indulge in my personal desires for whatever reasons exist. I don't know if that's a safety mechanism to keep myself from running crazy with sensual passion, or if I'm really that unlucky. Either way... I balance decisions like this all the time, and apathy always seduces from afar like some foul siren you know has been up to no good.

This is great reading, I have to say that I got a bit confused about who it was for, but maybe that was the point, or maybe it's cos I only read it once. I have to say I admire the way you treat this emotion in a realistic, understated way, rather than making it seem false with unnecessary depth.

Now for some Moderation:
You seem unsure what the number is for. I enclose an excerpt from the "rules for posting" sticky.

Title all posts as follows: "Piece Name - Type of Writing* - (Level of Crit Requested)**"
*Poetry, Short Story, Haiku, Etc.
**A number system, 0= I don't care 1 =Praise only 2=Light Constructive Criticism 3 =Honest Constructive Criticism
Example: "Cinnamarillion Rose - Poetry -(3)"