Breaking me free / 0-3 / type-there is always hope

I'm so sick
so lost and lonely
scared of the dark
and of closed in spaces.

You're so alive
so found and wanted
loving the darkness
never scared of anything.

I'm alone in this dark room
No windows or doors to be seen.

Your outside in the bright sunshine,
Looking at this one big windowed house with one door.

I'm in the corner, getting ready to break,
Looking at the only item in the room...a knife.

Your in the open, getting ready to walk in,
Wondering what is inside, your curiosity has never hurt you.

I pick it up and hold it tightly,
The voices in my head telling me that this will make it all go away.

You place your hand to the door knob,
the voices in your head telling you to hurry, for someone inside needs you.

I hold it close to my arm, it's blades begin to touch skin.
Tears rolling down my cheeks, is this how it is suppose to be.

You open the door, bursting bright lights into a dark and dingy room.
Calling out to anyone inside, this can not be right.

Bright lights burning my eyes, these colors I am not use to.

So much darkness, how can someone live like this.

I Curl up to block it out,
starting to put more pressure down on the knife.

You look upon a shadow in a corner,
Curled up she is, holding a knife...this I won't let be.

I push hard enough to let something warm flow out,
The color is red, hmm somehow this is pretty.

You walk briskly to me, getting down on both of your knees,
You place your hand over mine, which holds the knife.

I look up to see your face: bright, shining, and loving it is,
The softness of your hand on mine makes me drop the knife.

You smile down on me, as your hand holds mine,
You bring me closer holding me in your warmness.

I no longer feel cold, this room is no longer dark,
I just lay in your arms, as you continue to hold me.

You carry me out, holding me tightly, but soft enough to show me love.

I rest my head on your shoulder, whispering my thanks over and over again.

You place me down on my own two feet and put both of your hands on my shoulders.

I look up into your dark brown eyes, to see small amounts of tears building up.

You lean down and kiss me, a kiss so soft, so warm, and so passionate
That I fall weak kneed, but your hands keep me up.

So I wrap my arms around your neck and rest my head on your heart.

Your heart is racing like a stampede of wild broncos.

But it brings me so much comfort as your arms go around my back and hold me so tight.

Time stops here, letting us hold on to this moment for eternity.





I dont think it is all that great but i am quite satisfied with it since i have been on writers block for nearly two months.

Not bad but I felt it was slightly repetitive and unnecessarily long. It was a bit .overly dramatic at some stages, but overall, it was quite well written. I liked how you contrasted yourself and the other person in the beginning but brought it all together towards the end. Good job. Keep writing!


Abbas

Let us review what we have here.

So far its your everyday save me im cutting oh now watch out can you stop me its getting close blah blah blah sorta deal. these kinds of poems kinda place me in a bad mood cause it just seems utterly selfish with no point what so ever. Lissa you know i love you but i cant help but be anything but honest at this point.

the formatting is ridiculously messy here. this seems to be more of a rant if anything else. your thoughts seem to sporadically go all over the place. You start with comparisons which show an inner insecurity. Really Really bad mood...

This is a poem about love i understand that pain, again yes, but the point of how you have gotten this across is what annoys me. there is nothing unique to this. nothing to make this stand out among all the self indulgent cutter oh my god im broken inside types of poems. Your vocabulary is basic, the length is ridiculously long, its as though you dragged it out then repeated it.

it almost makes me ill at how self centered Tean angst that you portray.

"Bright lights burning my eyes, these colors I am not use to.

So much darkness, how can someone live like this."

you contradict yourself almost within the same line. i understand you are having two halves speak light dark good evil but come on this poem can be so much more if you took the effort of placing something above the minimal standards i see here. wow im being in credibly bitchy but im always serious when it comes to writing. and this...i dont know what this is.

"The color is red, hmm somehow this is pretty."

.....

The only thing i found slightly interesting out of this whole part, and that's the end.

"Time stops here, letting us hold on to this moment for eternity."

out of those many lines you have here i only like that one. Lissa i've seen your poems this is by far not even close to being in the long shadow of the average poem of yours. i know im a bitch your probably going to attack me about this later as you did on the rant you'll probably never speak to me again. but again i have to be honest. you need some work in this, find the back bone and build it from scratch gather your thoughts then work it out and place it into something coherent.

wow.

Mel...you're making me cry.

And...I have nothing else to say on this poem. I agree with nikki.

I know you're going through hard times, girl. But try to hold onto your sanity. And if you can't do that, then at least stay far away from knives.

FAR away.

~Asia

yea i know that nikki, but i didnt expect it to be good, its been damn 2 months since i wrote anything...most of the people that read it told me it made them cry asia, so dont worry about it. see i cant even be happy with it now, because at least it ends happy, since my relationship is over....what is there to be happy about? no one can tell me. you all know i got problems with my emotions...hell my fiances sister told me that I need to go see a theripist once a week to fix myself...nice huh. but yea wether you like it or hate it I dont care, as least im getting feed back on it.

Your relationship is not over. Somehow, I can't believe it would be over.

it is, and you know it is because i just explained things to you. now i need to rest, my heart is racing again and it is causeing my temperature to rise once again. I know have a temp. of 99.4

You know what's cool about posting poems in a forum? You can do fun things with the text. Like, instead of keeping all of the lines to the right, you can do something like this:

I pick it up and hold it tightly,
The voices in my head telling me that this will make it all go away.

Well I guess I kinda jumped the gun. Butterfly is right. Any poem can be improved. It's just...when I read the poem, I felt rather hurt, seeing as it's my good friend Mel. I felt hurt that she would do such things to herself, that she would allow her sorrow to go to such lengths.

*Sigh*

I don't think anything I say will ever cheer up our dear Xena1. Come back to us, o happy shining princess!