I hate liars

This might be a debate and a rant...I haven't decided yet.

Back Story: Me and my husband have been together for about 3 years. We've only been married since June though. The girlfriend he had before me was...for lack of a better word, very special to him. He remembers everything about her, including (why he knows this I don't know) the exact date and time of the last time he slept with her.

Well, when we got together, he told me that he was going to cut off all contact with her. I told him he didn't have to (she lives in a different state so I'm not threatened by her) but he insisted. 3 years later (present day) I find out he's been emailing her on and off this whole time...I haven't read the emails, but he just told me he had been. Not only has he been emailing her, he deleted his myspace, and then created a new one. He send me a FR, and I go to check it out, and who do I see holding the number 3 spot on his top friends? None other than his ex. I'm number 4 on his myspace....

I have kept in touch with my exes, so that's not the problem here. The problem is, why would he lie about it? I hate liars.

So, in my experience, which is only based on a total of 3 people, the female in the relationship is more likely to be honest about keeping ties with their exes than the male. Would you agree with me? And why do you think that is? And, most importantly, what should I do about it?!

yes that would be true due to the fact that 1) men are more threatened by the females exes and presumes the female will feel the same (despite all he knows) 2) He wants to feel safer with more women around him Its a fantasy of all men, to have as many women around him as he can.

But thats just my input, the word of a 14 year old boy.

i would sit down and have a talk with him and tell him how it honestly makes you feel.

'hiding' things like that is absolutely unexeptable. i would be pissed.

so have a face-to-face conversation with him and let him know how him doing that made you feel. try to do it calmly though so he listens better. but yea, you have every reason to be angry about it, i know that i would be. boys can be dumb sometimes.

I agree with Malia. You can either pretend to be ok with it or confront him peacefully and just find out why the hell he was keeping it from you.

See his response and take it from there.

I wouldn't say doing something like that is completely unacceptable as Malia would, there may be the simple explanation that he feels that you would be threatened by her and is afraid that if you knew that they kept in regular contact then you would be jealous, despite your protests that you wouldn't be.

I mean, no offence, and I'm not being sexist here, but in my experience (And quite possibly his) your gender isn't always particularly honest about your feelings

So the reason behind his lying may well be that he was scared that the truth may harm the relationship.

Of course, it may not, I concede that the myspace thing is pretty weird.

Sit down and talk to him about it. Not everything needs to be out in the open for a relationship, but true personal feelings have to be.

Mikhailangelo wrote:I wouldn't say doing something like that is completely unacceptable as Malia would, there may be the simple explanation that he feels that you would be threatened by her and is afraid that if you knew that they kept in regular contact then you would be jealous, despite your protests that you wouldn't be.

I mean, no offence, and I'm not being sexist here, but in my experience (And quite possibly his) your gender isn't always particularly honest about your feelings

So the reason behind his lying may well be that he was scared that the truth may harm the relationship.

Of course, it may not, I concede that the myspace thing is pretty weird.

Sit down and talk to him about it. Not everything needs to be out in the open for a relationship, but true personal feelings have to be.

things DO need to be out in the open in relationships though. you need that mutual trust. and i dont think hiding and keeping secrets is very truthful.
you have to put your wife first and being open and honest with her shows respect.

"So the reason behind his lying may well be that he was scared that the trust may harm the relationship."
then he obivously shouldnt be doing it if he cares about the relationship. you shouldnt put things in possible jeopardy over a silly ex girlfriend. i would think that the wife is more important that an ex. if he thinks that it may cause harm to the relationship, he shouldnt be doing it! period! because going behind someone's back like that, no. just plain no.

and it's not like this is a girlfriend/boyfriend we've only been together a month thing.
it's husband/wife.
you need to be honest with your spouse.
the problem here isnt that he was talking to his ex, it was that he was keeping it a secret and that is wrong.

Yeh....
Unfortunately, I believe I overreacted. Don't get me wrong, I chewed his flippin face off for lying to me, and for just being jerky about the whole situation....

But in reality, I didn't/don't care too much about it. Call it PMS if you will, but....she lives states away, and he hasn't seen her in over 3 years, and I have his ring.
He can talk to her if he wishes, but it's completely unacceptable to lie to me about it.

I talk to my exes. Hell, I have lunch with them whenever they come home on leave. He's fine with that. But at least I tell him about it. It would be a difference story if he said he was uncomfortable with it...then I wouldn't even bother keeping in contact with those other boys...
He says he's ok with it though. The only thing he has to say on the matter is "Make sure the douche bags don't make you pay for lunch."

^.^ I love my hubby. He just needs to learn that lies get him no where. The only thing they do is change me from the coolest, carefree, most wonderful girl that ever came into his life to the bitchiest, worst nightmare wife he could ask for.